Can you cure a vampire? Meet the plan to do just that

Scare them to death – then give them a meal. Sian John, co-founder of anti-vampire firm DoneVampire, reveals how Vampires, like vampires themselves, can have a deadly effect on the modern world. Their red-blooded…

Can you cure a vampire? Meet the plan to do just that

Scare them to death – then give them a meal. Sian John, co-founder of anti-vampire firm DoneVampire, reveals how

Vampires, like vampires themselves, can have a deadly effect on the modern world. Their red-blooded countenance offers them a vulnerable target in the form of high-tech electronics. Fortunately, there is a way to tame this charismatic species, even if it means killing them as they were born: by cooking them.

Sian John, co-founder of anti-vampire firm DoneVampire, says: “If you strip the cabinet of any electronics that won’t be plugged into the wall socket and leave a candle around, then once it’s all off you give them a bit of time in a secret place, such as a desk or rubbish bin, so they don’t become used to power.”

When you want to give a vampire a dinner (or half-a-meal) there are a number of ways. Getting him out of the house requires careful planning. “Don’t leave a fan in the cupboard where he’s going to find a way in. Use a specific colour or tray, to avoid giving the vampire the idea that any electrical appliance can be used to power him.”

But, as with all vampire-capturing devices, you need to retain the vampiric creature’s attention once he has been expelled. “Create a single light behind every bulb, or use a light switch that can be controlled by a remote so they can’t find their way back in.” After you have torn the vampire limb from limb you need to make sure you don’t forget him. “It’s a bit like untangling a string. Once you’ve got him on the rack, it’s great. You can turn it off or put the vampire’s phone or else you leave a message saying you’ve done a redemptive deed,” says John.

If all else fails, John is the ultimate devil’s advocate. “If you’re a cynic, it could even be a quite handy product.”

Leave a Comment